What you put into your body is just so important. Here's what you should all be eating this week to maintain a healthy and loving spiritual alignment with the universe.
- Capricorn - Stay away from eggs. The karma from the horror of the experiences of battery hens is just TOO heavy for you this week. AND there's a strong possibility of cracking a half formed chicken.
- Aquarius - You and your best friend should have dinner at some stage this week. She will confess that she and your boyfriend have been having an affair, and you will have the opportunity to throw shrimp over her $400 dress.
- Pisces - If you feed your wife and kids that gormet-ed bbq steak you're planning on grandly frying up on Sunday like you're god's gift to cooking even though you refuse to step foot in the kitchen usually, your entire family WILL die of food poisoning.
- Aries - Your girlfriend is only faking her vegetarianism. And her orgasms.
- Taurus - Almonds and arsenic have the SAME TASTE. That information could come in handy on Wednesday, believe me.
- Gemini - Your boyfriend will attempt to propose using that tired old method of putting the cubic zirconia in your cheap champagne. I'm ruining the surprise because there's a risk you'll choke. And think very hard about whether you ACTUALLY want to marry a man who wears the same socks two days in a row.
- Cancer - If you continue to take your boss muffins every morning, s/he will crack onto you. And believe me, it's not an experience you want to have.
- Leo - Don't you know meat is murder? And it's playing havoc on your skin. No wonder you can't get a date to spring fling.
- Virgo - Keep the gum chewing to a minimum on Thursday. Or it may have it's magic laxative effect in the board room...
- Libra - Icecream might make you fat, but wouldn't you rather be fat and happy? And if he doesn't like it, he doesn't deserve you.
Scorpio, Sagittarius - If you think soy products are for losers, you'd better watch out... there are a lot of psycho vegetarian drivers on the road who KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Or at least, I do.
