Art galleries. Full of idiots pretending to be smart, saying words nobody understands, and the paintings of two year olds. And you can't SAY things like that, oh no. I'd rather eat a tray full of them foreign shushi things than set foot in an art gallery again, and here's why.
- It's too quiet. Not only is it too quiet, but people look at you when your shoes squeak as though you've just committed a crime.
- Everybody has to whisper. When Mary Lou dragged me to see some damn heathen collection when we was last in the city, I was giving my opinion about the art to Mary Lou and somebody told me to keep my voice down! Well as you can imagine, I punched him in the nose.
- Got kicked out. Not sure if I'm allowed to set foot in that art gallery again. Not that I'm missing much, if you ask me.
- Some of the art is just downright pornographic. And while this doesn't bother me, I certainly don't think it's right for Mary Lou to see such things. And not the kiddies, neither. It might get them inappropriately excited.
- Some of the art is just downright... against God. That Maplethorpe man has a lot to answer for if you ask me. Mary Lou got all over excited and started blathering about equal rights. I almost got removed from that art gallery as well because I was parrently shouting. Well wouldn't you be shouting about your wife defending that filth?
- Most of the art is just plain boring. Who wants to see trees? Or blurry lily pads? Or, fully clothed ladies with fancy lace umbrellas and cissy men floating up a stream? Not me, that's for sure. I'd rather sit in the john with an issue of Playboy. They know what art is.
- The food they serve there is too fancy and expensive. At the art gallery "restaurants" it's all roast pumpkin and pinenut this, and spinach and ricotta that. No meat, and full of thin, nasty vegetarians all staring when you complain. How are you supposed to deal with all that art on a stomach full of spinach?
- There's nowhere to spit tobacco.
- The modern art makes no sense. Not even art, I don't think.
- Mary Lou wants me to take her to Europe JUST TO GO TO AN ART GALLERY. I tole her I'd buy her a print of the darn Mona Lisa for $10 at Woolworths and then she'll own it.
