I don't know why Mary Lou decided to by this damn-fangled "technology" offa that travelling salesman while I was out at the bar, but I tell you, after having a look around that infernal and godforsaken place they call the "internet" or "virtual reality" i've put a complete ban on Mary Lou using the thing unless I'm there to supervise, and here are ten reasons why:
- Feminists. These so-called 'liberated' ladies are all over the internet, burning their bras and not cooking steak dinners and working and having babies with turkey basters and all kinds of other unwholesome things. The one time Mary Lou tried to rent Germaine Greer from the library it was a lucky thing I caught her in time and canceled her membership before she could start rebelling. I won't be making any allowances in MY house.
- Pornography. I've searched around a lot just to be sure what kind of filth is out there, and one thing's for sure, Mary Lou would be disgusted. So I've banned those sites, just in case she starts getting ideas in her head when the plumber comes round.
- Chat sites. These filth infested hell-pits are where all the feminists can get together and "share ideas" - obscene conspiracies more like. I'm writing to the President about it. Disgraceful.
- How to raise your children sites. These are also run by the feminists. What does Mary Lou need with "time to herself" and "daycare"? If it was good enough for my mother, God rest her tired soul, it's good enough for Mary Lou.
- Communists. Did you know that communists actually HAVE websites, all about communism? And this is ALLOWED? Disgusting. That's going in my letter to the president for sure. I'm pretty certain you can even CHAT with communists. It's like treason.
- Spoof sites that insult the President. I love my country, but it turns out that there is a rot on the inside and that this thing they call the "internet" is allowing all kinds of trash to have a voice. There are several disgusting publications that degrade and insult the President of our great nation. And foreigners can read them! How are we expected to take over the world when we can't even control the minds of America?
- Online degrees. Mary Lou always secretly wanted an "education", but we all know that an education is only one step away from bra burning and wanting a job and refusing to wash the floors twice a day. So no thank you, Mary Lou can just keep her tenth grade education. Which is pretty fancy for round these parts anyway. She already puts on airs about it.
- Online banking. Can you imagine if Mary Lou was allowed loose in the accounts? It would be a new apron every year! And they're perfectly fine for at least two. Nope, Mary Lou can just stick with her allowance.
- E-books. Reading. Rots the brains of the American people, and fills their heads with all sorts of foreign communist ideas. Mary Lou can stick with her stories on the tv and those fancy readers digest magazines she gets sometimes. She don't understand a word of em, but likes how they look on the shelves.
- E-bay. Shopping on the internet! Disgusting! Combine it with internet banking and feminism and is it any wonder the country has gone to the dogs?
