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Galleries are so terribly passe. It's a new age out there, people, and you can either create art yourself on your computer, or heaps of other people have created art solely for your consumption on the internet.

Those guys make out like it's so difficult, but to me, it sounds like a total breeze.

It's always difficult to know how to appreciate art, it's all so diverse and while some of it looks like effete drivel, it isn't always politic to say so in front of your obscenely rich host. Of course, I know all there is to know about art, so here are some of the catch phrases I like to use about it.

Feeling those creative juices flowing? Well be careful, too much of that can be just embarrassing...

I am, as I'm sure you're all aware by now, a deeply creative person. And I have so much artistic potential that hopefully, by the time I'm twenty five, I'll be famous not just for my art that is poetry, but also my visual art. I'll give you some tasters.

No, really. I've been to those exhibitions of Rubens and what have you, full of fat chicks with cellulite all over their asses and posing coyly so all you get to see is a butt and a nipple silhouette.

Art galleries. Full of idiots pretending to be smart, saying words nobody understands, and the paintings of two year olds. And you can't SAY things like that, oh no. I'd rather eat a tray full of them foreign shushi things than set foot in an art gallery again, and here's why.

Art. It's such a contentious topic; what constitutes it, what should be included in it, and does faecal matter actually count as art are all the cutting edge questions that have been asked throughout time. But our bloggers aren't afraid to tackle the hard topics!